If you've been invited to a traditional Korean funeral, you might have some questions about the traditions and customs.

We understand that honoring a loved one can be a confusing time, especially when navigating unfamiliar cultural practices. 

Let's walk through what you can expect at a Korean funeral.

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Overview of a Korean funeral ceremony

Korean funerals traditionally last for three days. Funeral homes or designated halls are common locations for the ceremony, though some families may choose a temple or church depending on their religious beliefs.

A Korean funeral typically unfolds in stages:

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The initial greetings

When you arrive, you'll be greeted by family members. A bow is the customary way to pay respects, with a deeper bow offered to elders.

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The wake

The body is usually present, dressed in white clothing. This is a time for family and friends to pay their respects. Feel free to bow towards the deceased and offer a few quiet words.

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The procession

The funeral procession, often accompanied by a somber melody, escorts the deceased to the burial or cremation site. Participation is optional, but it's a way to show solidarity with the family.

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The final resting place

Both burial and cremation are practiced in Korea. The ceremony typically ends at the graveside or crematorium.

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Cultural norms and practices to keep in mind for a Korean funeral

Family roles: In Korean funerals, family plays a central role. The eldest son traditionally takes on many responsibilities, coordinating arrangements and acting as a pillar of support for the family during this difficult time.

You might see close family members dressed in mourning clothes as a visible sign of their deep respect for the deceased.

Professional mourners (Sogo): Korean funerals acknowledge grief openly. You might see mourners weeping openly or hear wailing lamentations. This is not a cause for alarm, but rather a demonstration of the family's profound sorrow.

In some cases, you might even see professional mourners (Sogo) hired by the family to express grief dramatically through their clothing and actions.

This is a traditional way for the family to outwardly display the depth of their loss.

Communal support: Sharing meals is a significant aspect of Korean funerals. Food served during the wake is a cultural practice that fosters a sense of community. We’ll talk more about that later in this article. 

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What should you wear to a Korean funeral?

At a Korean funeral, dressing modestly and respectfully is key. Here's a detailed breakdown of what to wear to honor the person who has passed and show support for the family:

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Men’s attire for a Korean funeral

• A black suit with a crisp white dress shirt is the most appropriate choice. Dark gray or navy are also acceptable, but avoid anything colorful or patterned.
• A black or dark-colored tie is a tasteful addition, but not strictly necessary.
• Opt for black leather shoes. Avoid sneakers, sandals, or loafers.
• If it's chilly, a dark overcoat is acceptable. Avoid anything sporty or casual.

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Women’s attire for a Korean funeral

• A black dress or skirt suit is the most respectful choice. Opt for knee-length or longer hemlines.
• For blouses, anything black or dark with sleeves is ideal.
• Choose closed-toe pumps or flats in black or a dark color. Avoid high heels or sandals.
• Keep makeup minimal and avoid bright colors. Opt for simple pearl earrings or a single pendant necklace if desired.

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Korean funeral traditions: The 'condolence money' 

In Korean funerals, offering condolence money, known as beoseum (보상), is a unique tradition with deep cultural significance.

Historically, beoseum originated from a practical need. Funerals can be expensive, and this practice offered a way for the community to support the family during their time of grief.

The money helped with funeral costs, allowing them to focus on mourning without financial burden.

Over time, beoseum evolved beyond its practical roots to a symbolic gesture of empathy and shared sorrow. By offering beoseum, you express your condolences and show your willingness to help the family during their difficult time.

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How much to give?

There's no strict rule on the amount, but a general guideline exists based on your closeness to the deceased or their family:

• Close friends or family: If you were very close to the deceased or their family, a larger sum (between ₩100,000 - ₩300,000 Korean Won, roughly $80 - $240 USD) is appropriate.

• Acquaintances or colleagues: For acquaintances or colleagues, a moderate amount (between ₩50,000 - ₩100,000 Korean Won, roughly $40 - $80 USD) is considered respectful.

• Distant relatives or friends: A smaller sum (between ₩30,000 - ₩50,000 Korean Won, roughly $25 - $40 USD) is suitable.

• It's customary for younger generations to offer less. ₩30,000 (around $25 USD) is a suitable amount.
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Always present an odd number: In Korean culture, odd numbers are considered lucky. Therefore, it's customary to offer beoseum in odd-numbered amounts. You can do this by simply adding $1, $3, or $5 to the amount.

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Presenting the beoseum

Here's how to present your condolence money with respect:

1. Purchase a white envelope specifically designated for funerals, often available at Korean stationery stores or funeral homes. These envelopes typically have pre-printed phrases on the front expressing condolences, such as "부의 (Bu-ui)" or "상제 (Sangje)".

2. On the back of the envelope, neatly write your name in vertical format, starting from the top right corner and working your way down.

3. You may also include a brief message of condolence on the right side of the envelope, below your name.

4. Place cash inside the envelope. Koreans traditionally avoid giving checks or using credit cards for beoseum.

5. Upon arrival at the location, sign the guest book before presenting your beoseum. Look for a designated table or box at the entrance or near the guest book specifically for collecting condolence envelopes.

6. As you place the envelope, offer a respectful bow to the attendant or towards the family if they are nearby.
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Remember: The most important aspect is to offer beoseum with sincerity and respect. The specific amount is less important than the gesture itself.

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How do you participate in Korean funeral customs?

Showing your respect:

• Bowing: When you meet the family of the deceased, a simple bow towards them is a way to pay respect during this difficult time. There's no need to feel pressured to bow deeply; a slight bow from the waist is perfectly acceptable.

• Where to sit: Look for designated seating areas for guests. If unsure, politely ask a funeral home staff member for guidance. It's best to avoid sitting directly in front of the family or near the casket unless invited.

• The casket: In Korean funerals, the casket is often open for viewing. If you feel comfortable doing so, you may approach the casket and bow silently towards the deceased. You can take a moment to offer your condolences in silence.

• Meeting the family: During the ceremony or at designated times, family members may be positioned near the casket to receive condolences. You can approach them individually, offer a bow, and express your condolences.

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Understanding the rituals:

• Incense burning: You might see a designated incense burner where mourners offer incense. This is a symbolic act of purification and sending well wishes to the deceased. If you'd like to participate, politely observe how others do it.
  
  Typically, you would light the incense stick from an existing flame, let it burn for a moment, and then gently extinguish it in the ashes before bowing towards the deceased.
  
  There's no pressure to participate if you're not comfortable.

• Chanting: Sometimes, Buddhist monks may lead chants during the ceremony. As a guest, you are not expected to participate in the chanting. You can simply listen respectfully.

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The wake and funeral meals

Korean funerals traditionally include a wake lasting several days. Food and drinks are often served during this time, and understanding the significance behind this custom can help you navigate these gatherings with respect.

• Community support: The act of coming together for a meal signifies communal support for the bereaved family. It allows friends and relatives to gather, share stories about the deceased, and offer comfort during a difficult time.

• Nourishment for mourners: Funerals can be emotionally draining experiences. Sharing meals ensures that mourners have the sustenance they need to stay healthy and focused during this extended period of grief.

• Commemoration: Food can also be a way to celebrate the life of the deceased. Dishes that were favorites of the departed or meals traditionally served during Korean mourning rituals might be included on the menu.

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Even if you don't eat much, consider taking a portion to show your support and participation in the shared meal. The meal is primarily about offering emotional support to the family. Engage in respectful conversation and share positive memories of the deceased.

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Navigating the mourning period

While the formal funeral ceremonies may conclude after a few days, the Korean mourning period extends beyond that initial gathering. Here's what to expect:

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Respectful mourning:

• Traditionally, a period of deep mourning lasts for three years, particularly for the loss of a parent or spouse. During this time, family members may dress in more subdued clothing and avoid public celebrations.

• Out of respect for the bereaved family, close friends and relatives might avoid excessively joyous events or loud celebrations during the initial mourning period.

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Jesa ceremonies:

Korean culture places great emphasis on honoring ancestors. Jesa (제사) are memorial services held to pay respect to deceased family members on specific anniversaries.

These ceremonies are like family gatherings where food offerings are presented to the deceased ancestors. It's a time for families to come together, share stories, and cherish the memory of their loved ones.

• Ancestral rites: The term ‘Jesa’ (제사) refers to ancestral rites held to honor deceased family members. These ceremonies are a way to show respect, gratitude, and maintain a connection with the departed.

• Timing of Jesa: The first Jesa is typically held 49 days after the death, followed by subsequent Jesa ceremonies on the anniversary of the death and major Korean holidays.

As a guest or friend, you wouldn't typically be expected to attend a private Jesa ceremony. However, if you're invited, consider it a great honor and a chance to witness this important Korean tradition.

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Next steps

We hope this helps clear up what to expect at a Korean funeral.

Remember, the most important thing is to be respectful of the family and their customs. By following these guidelines and offering your heartfelt condolences, you can show your support during this time of loss.

If you, or someone you know, is navigating the task of planning a funeral or a memorial service during an emotional time, you don’t have to do it alone.

Meadow offers a helping hand. We understand the weight of this moment and aim to provide a compassionate approach. Our team of memorial planners serve the Los Angeles area.

Whether you're considering location options, need assistance with logistics, or want someone to take over memorial planning from start to finish, Meadow can be a valuable resource during this difficult time.

We offer guidance and support in creating a personalized celebration of life that reflects the unique qualities of your loved one.

Our team is available 24/7 to guide you through this process.

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Explore our personalized memorial services to honor your loved one, on your own terms.