Most of us have opinions about how we want to be remembered. You may know whether you’d prefer cremation or burial, whether you want a traditional funeral or no celebration of life at all, or even where you’d like your ashes to be scattered (or not).

But if those wishes aren’t documented or shared, someone else may ultimately have to make those decisions for you, at the worst possible time. 

That responsibility typically falls to your next of kin, based on applicable state law. Understanding how that works and making your wishes known ahead of time can give both you and your family greater clarity. 

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What Does “Next of Kin” Mean?

When someone dies, certain decisions need to be made about their care and final arrangements. If the decedent hasn’t made arrangements in advance or legally designated someone to make those decisions, state law generally determines who has the authority to do so. 

The exact hierarchy varies by state, but it commonly follows an order similar to: 

1. Self: Any wishes regarding your final arrangements you’ve put in writing yourself (ideally notarized) 
2. Legal authority: A power of attorney or healthcare proxy, as long as your documents specifically mention “funeral arranging rights” or “disposition rights”
3. A surviving spouse 
4. Adult children: typically a majority
5. Parents
6. Siblings: typically a majority
7. Other relatives

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Importantly, this isn’t a universal order. Each state has its own rules about who has the right to control final arrangements. For example, in Arizona, a surviving spouse can have priority over someone you may have otherwise given legal authority to, depending on the circumstances and documents involved. 

This hierarchy matters, because the person legally responsible for making decisions may not always be the person you would have chosen yourself. 

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A Power of Attorney May Not Be Enough

This is where planning can get especially confusing. Having a power of attorney, healthcare proxy, or estate executor doesn’t necessarily mean that person will have authority over your funeral arrangements after you die.

These documents often stop granting authority at death, while an executor or personal representative handles responsibilities associated with your estate after death. Funeral and cremation decisions can fall into the space between the two.

Depending on your state and how your documents are written, additional planning may be needed to make sure the person you want to handle your final arrangements actually has the authority to do so. Otherwise, decisions may default to your next of kin, even if they are not the person you would have chosen.

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What Happens If You Haven’t Made Your Wishes Known?

Imagine you’ve always known you wanted to be cremated, but you’ve never put that wish in writing or talked about it with your family. 

When the time comes, your loved ones may be left asking questions like:

• Did they want to be cremated or buried?
• Would they want a funeral or memorial service?
• What would they want us to do with their ashes?
• How much would they have wanted us to spend?
• Who should be involved in making these decisions?

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Even in close families, people may have different ideas about what you would have wanted. And during a time when your family is already grieving, they may be asked to make important decisions quickly. 

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Your Next of Kin May Have to Make the Decision

If you haven’t clearly communicated your wishes, the responsibility doesn’t simply disappear. Someone else may have to decide for you. 

Your next of kin may genuinely want to honor your wishes, but they can only do that if they know what those wishes are. 

And determining who has the legal authority can sometimes create an additional challenge. More than 1 in 4 Americans report being estranged from a family member. If a person who has the legal right to participate in your arrangements is an estranged child, sibling, parent, or other relative, your family or funeral provider may have to locate and involve that person at an already difficult time.

Family relationships don't always fit neatly into a legal hierarchy. The person you're closest to may not be your legal next of kin, while someone you haven't spoken to in years could potentially have a role in the decision-making process.

Making your preferences clear ahead of time removes some of that uncertainty. Instead of asking, “What would they have wanted?” your family can focus on carrying out the choices you’ve already made. 

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Making Your Wishes Known Can Be an Act of Care

Pre-planning isn’t only about making decisions for yourself. It can also make things simpler for the people you care about. 

By planning ahead, you can make decisions such as:

• Whether you prefer cremation or burial
• What type of service, if any, you’d like
• How you’d like your remains cared for
• Who you want involved
• Other personal preferences that matter to you

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You may also choose to pre-pay for your arrangements. Pre-paying can help protect your family from having to manage unexpected costs during an already difficult time, while giving you greater control over the arrangements you've selected. Depending on the provider and applicable state laws, pre-payment options and protections may vary, so it’s important to review the details carefully. 

Pre-planning doesn’t have to mean planning every detail of your memorial. Even communicating a few important preferences, documenting them, or pre-paying for arrangements can give your family valuable direction and peace of mind. 

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How Meadow Can Help You Plan Ahead

At Meadow, we believe planning ahead should feel straightforward and approachable. 

Our pre-planning process gives you the opportunity to think through your cremation ahead of time, document your preferences, and make sure the people you care about aren’t left guessing about what you would have wanted. 

Planning ahead can also give you an opportunity to identify potential gaps between the person you expect to handle your arrangements and the person who may actually have legal authority under your state's laws.

You can explore your options online at your own pace, and our team is available at (844) 601-3834 if you’d rather talk through your choices with someone. 

Because ultimately, making your wishes known isn’t just about planning for the future. 

It’s about giving your loved ones guidance when they’ll need it most. 

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